Ever feel like life is just one long episode of Candid Camera? (Or Punk’d, if you’re feeling Millennial.) Whether it’s navigating a peanut butter-induced traffic jam in the grocery aisle, surviving yet another pointless meeting, or waiting forever for someone to pull out of a parking spot only for them to...just sit there, it’s enough to make even the calmest among us question humanity.
These everyday frustrations pile up fast, don’t they? Before you know it, your patience is gone, and you’re one granola bar display away from losing it.
This blog is your witty guide to sidestepping life’s nonsense. If you’ve ever wanted to laugh instead of scream, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.
Three Tips to Keep Your Sanity
Harsh truth (but no newsflash): the only person you can change is yourself. You can dream of making the world a smarter, more thoughtful place, but you’d have a better chance of winning the Powerball (currently 1 in 292.2 million, give or take).
So how can we change ourselves so that we are less worn down by our surroundings?
You could build a fortress to protect your peace and sanity, surrounding yourself with only the people who you adore. If they share your sense of humor, you may never want to leave. But that’s not realistic.
Even if you work from home, eventually, you’ll need to go to the doctor or a dentist. All your hiding will actually end up working against you because you won’t have built up an immunity to stupidity.
Without sounding too simplistic, a better idea is to let more things go.
Set yourself up for success – get enough rest, drink enough water, or have your favorite coffee before you leave home. Many days, you’ll have enough emotional bandwidth to calm yourself down when the world irritates you.
On other days, you’ll need a backup plan to keep your cool. Fresh air helps, as does taking a walk, listening to music, or talking to a friend. But when you just don’t have the time (or desire) for any of that, we’ve got a few tools you can use for quick relief.
TOOL ONE: THE EYE ROLL
Mastering the eye roll is essential. Whether it's dealing with mansplainers, clueless cashiers, or that one neighbor who always has an opinion on your lawn, an eye roll resets your patience in an instant.
The real beauty of the eye roll is its versatility. It can convey annoyance, disbelief, disdain, or sheer boredom. The intensity of your emotion is easily portrayed by the depth of the roll. From a quick, subtle movement that could be confused with a wink to a wide, deep, obvious, whole-face-changing (and often audible) gesture that no one can miss.
With a little practice, you can deliver a different eye roll for every annoyance you encounter.
TOOL TWO: SNARK
When biting your tongue is impossible, a nice snarky comment can help you let off steam in the moment and could avoid a repeat of the same behavior in the future. Picture it:
Them (judgy tone): That’s an interesting outfit.
You (faking shyness): Oh, I’m so glad you noticed. I picked it out just for you. (extra points for a sheepish grin or wink)
Or maybe it's more like:
Them: You know what you should do? You should...
You (big smile while placing a hand on their arm or shoulder to confuse them just enough so they stop talking): I’ll never forget the first time we met. I keep trying though.
The key here is delivery. Always maintain a smile and light-hearted tone. If you are truly dealing with a dope, you’ll confuse them so much they instinctively walk away. If you are dealing with an unfriendly or antagonistic person, there won’t be any confusion but they will think twice before they try you again.
TOOL THREE: BODY ARMOR
Sometimes, you just want to catch them off balance so they cannot do or say anything that is guaranteed to irk you.
Air horns definitely work to distract them but they will likely cause headaches of their own (literally).
A better, quieter option is body armor. Not the medieval iron plates or chain mail we’re familiar with – they’ve never met a silence they couldn’t destroy.
This type of armor transforms you into your own personal billboard. When you walk into a room, you can set the tone without uttering a word. A simple “NOPE” across your chest easily deflects absurd ideas and just plain nonsense. An “I Don’t Know Where You Got Your Opinion But I Hope You Kept the Receipt” is an instant conversation starter ender. Whether it’s an appreciative nod from a fellow thinker or a confused look from a fool, your work is done before you even start.
So next time you’re getting dressed, remember you don’t have to choose between comfort and making a statement. Your outfit is an extension of you so make it count. Think about what message you want to send out to the world. And don’t settle for bland when you can be bold.
The chuckle you can’t contain every time you put on your new tee or sweatshirt? That’s just icing on the cake.
Why Bother?
Dodging dimwits is not just about preserving your sanity (though that's a big part of it). It's also about reclaiming your energy and focus. When you sidestep these mental landmines, you free up brain space for things that actually matter, like problem-solving, being kind to other humans, and sleeping peacefully at night.
The next time you have to deal with someone who's a few Bradys short of a bunch, take a deep breath and remember you have options. Roll your eyes, insult them with a smile, or just point to your shirt. (Note: this last one only works on fools with some level of reading comprehension.)
Better yet, choose all three!
Life will always be full of interactions with people who test our patience. Humans are going to human. But you've got better things to do than get sucked into their vortex of nonsense.
